who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
