Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
