At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
