considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
