Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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