it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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