I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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