I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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