what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
