I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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