He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
