you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
