you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
