I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
