There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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