dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
