How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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