I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
