Umm I'm too high to move.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
