I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
