You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If its not for food we ain't going out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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