OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
