just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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