if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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