dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
