First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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