Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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