bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
