so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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