the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
smell my finger.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
