But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
