it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
