my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You made out with two different species that night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
