Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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