Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
