I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
