yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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