you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
