Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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