I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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