I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
