O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
