I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
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