this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
