I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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