dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
