bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
