Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
