how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
