i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
