Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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